An Important Lesson Learned on My Anniversary…
I can still clearly remember the day when Andrea and I made our vows, said I do and committed our lives to each other. I remember having a blast at our “Latin style” wedding reception (Andrea is from Peru) where we danced until almost 3 in the morning. I also remember the many times we would sit and talk about how great life together was going to be from then on.
It’s funny how you never can really grasp the amount of work that’s involved in a marriage until you actually do it. When things are good, you just keep doing things the way you’ve always done them and rarely think twice about changing anything.
Then all of a sudden one day, you get “the look.” The one that tells you without any words that you’ve done something wrong and she’s not happy. You start to wonder, did I forget to clean up after myself? Did I promise to do something and then forget to do it? Did I say something that she took the wrong way?
Initially you don’t even want to ask so you just go about your business and ignore it but then it gets worse. The look becomes silence. Silence becomes no eye contact. Then if it gets really bad she blows her top and really lets you have it. That’s when you know that things just can’t keep going like they used to.
Most married couples will tell you these moments happen rather frequently during some phases of the marriage and may not happen much at all during other phases. Nevertheless it is our response to these incidents that makes all the difference.
I often wonder what would have happened if I would have just completely blown her off, kept doing what I always did and never responded to the signs that something was wrong. I’d probably have a pretty miserable relationship or I’d be single.
What if I would have recognized the signs, made some changes but then stopped and went back to my old ways whenever she started being happy again?
Or what if I recognized the signs, made the changes and kept doing what I needed to do to make her happy whether I REALLY wanted to or not?
Out of those three choices, which would lead to the best possible relationship? Of course, the last one. Seems like a no brainer right?
Well, isn’t it funny how other parts of our life don’t seem to get thought of this way?
Take what I do for instance. I help people achieve breakthroughs and reach goals with their physical health and function and maintain them over their lifetime.
Often times I see a mindset in people in regards to their health that mimics those faulty mindsets that relate to relationships.
1. They ignore warning signs, keep doing what they’ve always done and never attempt to change anything.
This could be ignoring pain, weakness, an inability to perform a certain task or some other symptom that is trying to get their attention. These people usually end up with far worse problems down the road because they didn’t choose to do anything when they first got “the look.”
2. They want the easiest, fastest and most effortless solution possible to appease their symptoms just enough to make them feel like things are better so they can quickly go back to their old ways of doing things.
This person usually wants to do the least amount possible to achieve the goal and thinks very little about making the necessary changes to maintain their health and function afterwards. These types of people are drawn to things that are portrayed as “quick fix” options like drugs, shots and surgery or some seemingly magical alternative treatment. They usually will bounce from one thing to the next with very little commitment or stick-to-it-tiveness. They are always looking for something easier, cheaper or faster and won’t make most of the commitments or changes they need to make to achieve what they really want- good health.
Each and every day I see these opposing mindsets at work in people.
I may have a client who has been desperately trying to refer in a friend or family member for many months because they are suffering so bad with a problem they believe I can help with and the person keeps pushing them away saying “it’s not that bad yet, I’ll wait a while longer.”
I may have another client who starts to get better and then thinks about jumping ship too soon because they don’t like the amount of work and time it takes to get to their ultimate goals.
Then I may have another client who will flat out say, “I’m willing to do what it takes because this is very important to me” and then they will actually do it and do it consistently.
Which mindset would you say describes you the best? Which mindset do you think brings the greatest success?
I will be honest with you. Whether it’s changing your diet, exercising, drinking water, or getting MAT, the things that are going to do the most good for us are usually the things that are the hardest to do consistently. Unlike in marriage though, you can’t just “go in the other room” and escape the situation, because your body is with you everywhere you go.
Having overcome cancer, obesity, physical debilitation and a chronic back injury, I know the work it takes to get your body where you want it to be and the work it takes to keep it there. I work out consistently, get MAT every week, keep a clean diet, drink lots of water, prioritize sleep and take good care for myself. I couldn’t ever imagine living any other way because I know what the alternative is like. It’s miserable.
Having good health is not for everyone just like a healthy marriage is not for everyone. You’ve got to want it bad enough to do what needs to be done. Otherwise you need to be ok with suffering the consequence
So take it from me, if your body is giving you “the look,” don’t ignore it. And if things seem to be pretty good now, do what you’ve got to do to keep it that way. Just make sure you get good guidance from someone knowledgeable and experienced so you can get there AND stay there.
Enough of this rant, it’s getting late and I need to get home so I don’t get “the look.”